First of all...

Feliz Navidad!

Okay, so before I came home for Christmas, I remember telling my room mate that I was going to be positive this year.  I'm not saying that I am an all around scrooge, but for some reason, that I was not able to recall, I did not like this time of year.  I thought that it had something to do with the commercialism of this time of year or how the ones I'm close to seem to care more about the cost of a gift than the thought put behind it.  However, I realize now that I was wrong in my reasoning.  It is not that I don't like Christmas.  I don't the reminder that occurs this time of year.  See, every year that I have been away at college or grad school I have become further and further away from knowing my family.  Yes, I know who they are, but they and I have changed so much over the past six years it's crazy.  I don't have the same sense of humor or interests as my brothers, so it's hard for me to communicate with them.  I have spent much of my time quietly listening to other people carry on conversations.  Plus, my brothers (and the women they are with - one being a sister in law the other my other brother's girlfriend) are very close.  They spend a lot of time together.  It's hard because I want to joke and goof around with them, but it seems as if I have nothing to offer in conversation.  Honestly, it seems as if they don't want to know too much about me, either.  I may have put off a negative vibe, so they didn't want to talk to me.  i don't know.  I guess I need to try harder or something.  My family did bless me with some nice gifts, which was and is appreciated.  i do enjoy spending time with them, but sometimes it feels like we do out of obligation instead of desire to be around one another. 

On a positive note, I am getting a lot of opportunities to help my parents out around the house.  I try to stay busy in my quietness, and my mom really appreciates it.  Tomorrow we are going to take care of my car because for some reason the check engine light came on while I was driving to houston.  not good since my car is only 2 years old... not good at all.  It's okay.  The car is still under warranty, so they have to fix the problem!  yay!  I am hanging out with some old friends of mine this week, which is awesome.

This world is a strange place especially when you are trying to find your place in it. 

till next time... <>< just keep swimming